Putting Yourself First Is Not Selfish

By Olivia Rostigus


We have all been exposed to the familiar saying, 'Love yourself first'. In fact, most of us have heard it, but, probably never taken the time to actually analyze as to what it really means. Psychics hear daily how people want change, but, seldom to people want to take the action necessary to make it happen.

This topic is interesting because people say it often and while we all seem to know what it means, there is no real explanation of just how to accomplish this enormous task. The person saying this to someone who is experiencing anguish, elevated anxiety, hurt, fear, frustration or depression, is usually unaware of the effect this comment can have on its recipient. Sometimes people who say this are exasperated with the person having difficulties because they do not have the skills or training to really help solve these issues.

People usually have the intension of trying to get the person to do something about their situation. Loving yourself first is a well meaning phrase, but, without the proper training, most people don't have any idea what it takes to actually love yourself. Saying something like this to someone can cause them to feel unsupported and they must go it alone with no idea how.

The message behind these words can be damaging to the recipient because it feels like rejection, often making the situation worse because now they feel cut off with no one to talk to. They literally get stopped in their tracks and feel as though they have just been slapped in the face.

1. I don't really know any other thing to say that will help

2. If you would just act on what I tell you, everything would work out for you

3. Quit complaining and do something about it

4. I don't know how to be supportive, so, just do this

The pain will intensify in a person who is in a crisis because they need someone to vent to and are instead being told how to cure their issues by a trusted friend or relative. When people feel at a loss of what to do they want to be heard; that is when they turn to psychic readings and make a call as a last resort to get some relief from their situation.

What people really need in these challenging situations, is to begin the process of treating the 'self' well. This means they begin by taking the first step of action. Below is a metaphorical story that is easy to understand:

Most parents will react immediately to a child that is being assaulted by other children. Their built-in instincts force them to rush in to save the child from a bad situation. They will usually removed them quickly, find out if they are physically okay, then hug them in a re-assuring way until they calm down. They have in effect saved the child's 'self' from further altercations.

Adults can also get beat up on the playground of life, and, we have to learn to save our "selves". When adults get into difficult problems, they tend to get stuck and hope that, in time, things will change on their own. We buy time, longing for our situation to right itself, while continuing to endure pain and suffering.

There has to be an action taken in order for change to begin. If no action is taken, the situation repeats itself, usually in a fairly predictable cycle from an outside point of view. In order to rid themselves of horrible feelings, they will use other people as a temporary dumping ground by telling the same story over and over. This behavior will generally cause other people to avoid the person in trouble. As the cycle continues, they find themselves alone as depression sets in. Isolation is not an action, but, rather a reaction to overwhelming problems. Here are some actions that people can take to begin to help themselves:

1. Taking your "self" for a walk, changing your residence, changing a job or career, removing your "self" from the negative behavior of a friend, relative or lover.

2. Talk your 'self' for a hike or walk in a park

Most people do not want to hear that it is them selves that must make a plan and begin to execute it. Instead, they call psychics for readings and hope that the solution is in that reading. The psychic's role is to try to help you connect with the solutions that are in front of you, not to solve it.

You need to begin the process of loving your 'self' first, so that other people will want to.




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