Bring Some Chaos Into Your Soul

By Evan Sanders


You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star - Nietzsche

"Go to the deepest darkest place you can permit yourself to be and see if you can find a little light up in the top right corner?"

Yes, I saw that little light. For years, I was under the impression that light was something by the name of resilience. What I did not know was that the light was actually joy. How could joy exist in this amazingly dark moment? How could joy be present in this frightful and terrible time?

I can recollect how it felt in that moment. Everything was pitch black. The darkest black you could even imagine. If you have ever seen a black table that has been lacquered several thousand times, the depths appear endless. This situation and time in my life was this sort of black and it really was as thick is molasses.

However, there had been the presence of light. The only real issue was, I wasn't attempting to find it.

It's not going to be easy for me to go back to this place. There are numerous things that I have buried deep so absolutely no one could ever find them. Thing is, I knew they were there. They've been there all the time. I truly have been so scared to let them bubble up that I have actually run from my past right into the future and have utterly forgotten about the present. That is no way to live life. That's not how my life will be lived from now on.

This place, while dark, can be illuminated. Like all dark places, bring a bright enough lantern into it and you can begin to see things as they actually are and not just how your shocked mind has interpreted them to be. So I am bringing that light in.

Into the depths we go.




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