When my husband and I moved into our home in southwest Minneapolis, one corner of our basement became home to a collection of about ten boxes for over a year. I can't even tell you why. I guess our motivation just dwindled throughout the long process of unpacking. Each time I walked down the stairs to do some laundry or to feed my cats, I'd see all those boxes and just think, Ugh. We really need to take care of that stuff.
About 18 months after we moved in, on a rainy September day, we ventured downstairs and in one afternoon we got the task done. We ended up tossing or donating about two-thirds of it. We figured that we hadn't needed it in over a year; we will most likely never need it. That corner is now clear. When I walk downstairs now, I notice the light beaming in the window. Not only is the physical space clear - so is the space in my mind that was being occupied by an unresolved pile of boxes.
It is an interesting and difficult issue to address, this intense emotional connection we sometimes have with the things we own, including our "intangible" possessions -- our health, our beliefs about ourselves and others, our old grudges and unresolved pain. All these things take up space. Sometimes they take up so much space that there's isn't much room for anything else. We wish for simplicity -- but letting go can be difficult and sometimes even painful for a number of reasons, even when hanging on is to our emotional detriment.
Let's consider how our brains process input. One of our neurological paths could be considered "the path of reason." This is the part of the brain that, when we look at a chair, it sees an item made of wood and fabric. The other neurological path is one that is deeply and instantly connected to emotion and memory. When we, again, look at the chair, it remembers everything - pleasing and unpleasing - related to that item. So, something as uncomplicated as a chair could be strongly representational of experiences such as guilt, a negative relationship, sorrow, or a feeling of being overwhelmed. Therefore, it is easy to understand how a home or a heart filled with these triggers can grow to be a pretty tough place to live peacefully.
My friend Heidi DeCoux is a professional organizer who specializes in home organization. The cycle or physical and emotional chaos she explains like this:
The problem, everyone says, is the clutter. Actually, the real problem is ... the lack of space. When we don't have space, there's nowhere to grow and no room for anything new. Instead, we experience more stuffing and filling versus positive, beneficial growth.
Recently, I had the chance to listen to a wonderful interview with coach and author of the book "Throw out Fifty Things, " Gail Blanke. She made the point that removing clutter is not so that you can live in an immaculate environment (in fact, the need for perfection can be it's own type of emotional clutter). It is so that we can make room for new possibilities and clear a path for productive, forward movement. Heidi's work encompasses this philosophy: "Organizing is about seeing the transformation of people and not so much about organizing things."
Blanke has a kind of litmus test which she calls the Rules of Disengagement for letting go of the things that can hold us back:
* If it (the idea, feeling, person, or thing) continuously hurts you, holds you back, or weighs you down - let it go.
* If the thing, the idea, the feeling, the person just sits there, takes up space and contributes nothing -- let it go.
* If you have to debate endlessly, forever weighing the pros and cons -- Should I let it go? Should I keep it? -- then let it go. As Heidi puts it, "Stuff you feel guilty about getting rid of creates an environment of guilt -- who can grow in that?"
* Don't make it so difficult. Things that cause us constant confusion and pain are not the things that are meant to be in our lives.
This is the time of year when we start consuming and accumulating in earnest. It seems like the perfect time to stop and breathe and ask: What could I be letting go of? What in my physical or emotional environment is no longer helping me move forward in my life? What might there be room for in my life if I let go of these items, this broken relationship, this disappointment, this fear?
The tendency in people is to fill in space. So, the question becomes, What should I fill it with?
About 18 months after we moved in, on a rainy September day, we ventured downstairs and in one afternoon we got the task done. We ended up tossing or donating about two-thirds of it. We figured that we hadn't needed it in over a year; we will most likely never need it. That corner is now clear. When I walk downstairs now, I notice the light beaming in the window. Not only is the physical space clear - so is the space in my mind that was being occupied by an unresolved pile of boxes.
It is an interesting and difficult issue to address, this intense emotional connection we sometimes have with the things we own, including our "intangible" possessions -- our health, our beliefs about ourselves and others, our old grudges and unresolved pain. All these things take up space. Sometimes they take up so much space that there's isn't much room for anything else. We wish for simplicity -- but letting go can be difficult and sometimes even painful for a number of reasons, even when hanging on is to our emotional detriment.
Let's consider how our brains process input. One of our neurological paths could be considered "the path of reason." This is the part of the brain that, when we look at a chair, it sees an item made of wood and fabric. The other neurological path is one that is deeply and instantly connected to emotion and memory. When we, again, look at the chair, it remembers everything - pleasing and unpleasing - related to that item. So, something as uncomplicated as a chair could be strongly representational of experiences such as guilt, a negative relationship, sorrow, or a feeling of being overwhelmed. Therefore, it is easy to understand how a home or a heart filled with these triggers can grow to be a pretty tough place to live peacefully.
My friend Heidi DeCoux is a professional organizer who specializes in home organization. The cycle or physical and emotional chaos she explains like this:
The problem, everyone says, is the clutter. Actually, the real problem is ... the lack of space. When we don't have space, there's nowhere to grow and no room for anything new. Instead, we experience more stuffing and filling versus positive, beneficial growth.
Recently, I had the chance to listen to a wonderful interview with coach and author of the book "Throw out Fifty Things, " Gail Blanke. She made the point that removing clutter is not so that you can live in an immaculate environment (in fact, the need for perfection can be it's own type of emotional clutter). It is so that we can make room for new possibilities and clear a path for productive, forward movement. Heidi's work encompasses this philosophy: "Organizing is about seeing the transformation of people and not so much about organizing things."
Blanke has a kind of litmus test which she calls the Rules of Disengagement for letting go of the things that can hold us back:
* If it (the idea, feeling, person, or thing) continuously hurts you, holds you back, or weighs you down - let it go.
* If the thing, the idea, the feeling, the person just sits there, takes up space and contributes nothing -- let it go.
* If you have to debate endlessly, forever weighing the pros and cons -- Should I let it go? Should I keep it? -- then let it go. As Heidi puts it, "Stuff you feel guilty about getting rid of creates an environment of guilt -- who can grow in that?"
* Don't make it so difficult. Things that cause us constant confusion and pain are not the things that are meant to be in our lives.
This is the time of year when we start consuming and accumulating in earnest. It seems like the perfect time to stop and breathe and ask: What could I be letting go of? What in my physical or emotional environment is no longer helping me move forward in my life? What might there be room for in my life if I let go of these items, this broken relationship, this disappointment, this fear?
The tendency in people is to fill in space. So, the question becomes, What should I fill it with?
About the Author:
Heidi DeCoux is a professional organizer & creator of The Fast-Filing Method home office filing system. To get her FREE Kit: The Fast & Easy Way to Get Organized & Stay Organized, visit ClearSimpleLiving.com. Siri Myhrom is an educator & therapeutic writing facilitator. To get a free subscription to Siri's e-Magazine, Winter Oak Weekly, visit winter-oak.com.
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