My 14-year-old sister was recently lamenting to me the fact that all of her friends have boyfriends and she does not. She went on to describe the frustrated, longing feeling she experiences when she sees all these hormone-ridden teenagers making out in the lonely halls of high school. I promptly gave her the obligatory pep talk about how not having a boyfriend is completely fine and various ways she can look at her single status in a positive light.
But after I left the conversation, I started thinking about how high school is a wonderful (and sometimes brutal) little microcosm of the adult world: dealing with bosses (teachers) who are oppressive and unreasonable, fulfilling obligations when you'd rather be having fun, and feeling surrounded by couples when you are unattached. Adults encounter all of these things but in high school, it's all contained in one stifling building. Sigh. Sucks to be a teenager.
This one small exchange with my adolescent sister made me realize that not a lot changes between groups of gals as we grow up. For better or worse, we're always comparing our lives to those of our close contemporaries. This is true when it comes to clothes, careers and, particularly, love lives.
Most of us know the feelings that come with wanting something a friend has and that we think we want also. I'm hoping that we're all savvy enough to channel that niggling jealousy into something positive. It's one thing to envy a friend's fabulous promotion and wallow in it. It's another to allow that to spur you into renewing your dedication to your career.
The one area where it seems to be the most difficult to do this is in relationships. Maybe it's because the romantic arena isn't as systematically navigable as is the working world or finding a fabulous apartment. Sometimes when your friends are happily attached, it just seems like they're luckier than you and jealousy just stays green and unproductive.
The victims in this all too typical scenario? The friends with the boyfriends or husbands! Think about it. When you've met someone fabulous who do you want to talk to about it? Your friends of course. Not only that, you want them to be happy for you.
While this is exactly what most of your ladies will do for you, there's always that one friend who takes every romantic triumph you enjoy as an excuse to wallow deeper in bitterness over being single. And I'm sorry, I feel for those friends, I really do but come on! Reacting like that when someone you care about finds someone who makes them happy is quite selfish. And makes it hard to be completely blissful.
The best advice I can give you is to meet the situation head one. Someone who is always single and bitches about it ad nauseum making you feel guilty just for being happy needs a reality check. Don't get upset and start throwing accusations around; she is vulnerable after all. Her behavior is an indicator that she's really not feeling too good about herself. Keep your tone of voice confident, and your anger under control. Don't offer an ultimatum but do be very clear about one thing. You are allowed happiness.
But after I left the conversation, I started thinking about how high school is a wonderful (and sometimes brutal) little microcosm of the adult world: dealing with bosses (teachers) who are oppressive and unreasonable, fulfilling obligations when you'd rather be having fun, and feeling surrounded by couples when you are unattached. Adults encounter all of these things but in high school, it's all contained in one stifling building. Sigh. Sucks to be a teenager.
This one small exchange with my adolescent sister made me realize that not a lot changes between groups of gals as we grow up. For better or worse, we're always comparing our lives to those of our close contemporaries. This is true when it comes to clothes, careers and, particularly, love lives.
Most of us know the feelings that come with wanting something a friend has and that we think we want also. I'm hoping that we're all savvy enough to channel that niggling jealousy into something positive. It's one thing to envy a friend's fabulous promotion and wallow in it. It's another to allow that to spur you into renewing your dedication to your career.
The one area where it seems to be the most difficult to do this is in relationships. Maybe it's because the romantic arena isn't as systematically navigable as is the working world or finding a fabulous apartment. Sometimes when your friends are happily attached, it just seems like they're luckier than you and jealousy just stays green and unproductive.
The victims in this all too typical scenario? The friends with the boyfriends or husbands! Think about it. When you've met someone fabulous who do you want to talk to about it? Your friends of course. Not only that, you want them to be happy for you.
While this is exactly what most of your ladies will do for you, there's always that one friend who takes every romantic triumph you enjoy as an excuse to wallow deeper in bitterness over being single. And I'm sorry, I feel for those friends, I really do but come on! Reacting like that when someone you care about finds someone who makes them happy is quite selfish. And makes it hard to be completely blissful.
The best advice I can give you is to meet the situation head one. Someone who is always single and bitches about it ad nauseum making you feel guilty just for being happy needs a reality check. Don't get upset and start throwing accusations around; she is vulnerable after all. Her behavior is an indicator that she's really not feeling too good about herself. Keep your tone of voice confident, and your anger under control. Don't offer an ultimatum but do be very clear about one thing. You are allowed happiness.
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